The arrival of Diaz saw the French provide a man from the Yoplait ad in tight pants as security
Today’s talk was all about the main contenders. Who really was a chance on today’s stage. Not the sprinter’s though, we all knew Cav would smoke everyone. No, I mean who was a chance to pound Cameron Diaz.
Unfortunately a sour note on today’s stage as well with one of the lowest points in tour history. With the attendance of Cameron Diaz, we were forced to endure the presence of Tom Cruise. It was horrific for most of the riders in the peleton. We still can’t exactly figure out why they were there as VIP’s either? Someone said they were there to promote their new film, but the Tour de France? It’s a bit of a stretch really. They must have heard about “Livestrong, Die Hard” and wanted to get in on the action.
Last night was a ripper. We had the traditional mountain top finish party and then all tried to ride down off the Tourmalet blind drunk. It was super fun. A few injuries and broken bones, but nothing too serious. Chris Horner was forced to ride down nude after losing a bet with the boys from Garmin. I thought “Horner” was his last name, though last night we found out that it has to do with the size of his junk. I’m just glad it didn’t get caught in the spokes.
Another attempt to take out riders saw several boys from team Columbia turned into a shish kebab
Today was meant to be a nice relaxing stage, though with everyone trying to impress Diaz, the pace was on. Heavy cross winds didn’t help either. With four of the teams eating at a dodgy Mexican place last night, the cross winds were certainly meant to be avoided. You can only imagine what was being generated from Fabian Cancellara. That stuff could have powered a small French town.
So, heading to Bordeax, all minds were firmly fixed on one thing. Still Diaz and that fine piece of tail she has. After Cav predictably won the sprint by about 4 minutes, a few of us got to put in our best ground work to see if we could get a leg up. I was in early, but after commenting how she looked “much older in real life”, I think I’d dashed my chances.
Diaz checks out Alberto's junk whilst Cruise does appear to be "much shorter" in real life
A few of the French boys tried to work their French charm, however they forget that Diaz is American and like most yanks, believe that English should be everyone’s first language no matter what country they live in. Fail.
In the end, it was the yellow jersey of Alberto Contador that prevailed after a promise of a tag team with a few of the other Astana boys. Expect some broken limbs in the morning as a pent up Hollywood starlet takes on men that actually weigh less than her.
Tomorrow is the race against the clock. The individual Time Trial. Some look forward to it whilst for others, it is just another tough day in lycra with a saddle wedged firmly up your rear end with your nuts crushed and continually put in a meat grinder. For me, I am looking for a top 10 finish and to confirm my position overall in the top 20. After some manipulation of the time sheets of a few of the stages, it’s amazing how my 90th position slowly elevated into something somewhat more respectable. Let’s be honest though, Fabian is really going to “motor” away from the rest of the field tomorrow after a somewhat subdued tour, so if you have any spare cash at all, get it on. We also have the teams classification to consider, even if no one else really does give a toss. It’s the last time to get Lance onto the podium in Paris, so we will be going all out (well, last time to get on the Tour de France podium – we have a massive night lined up at the strip clubs later that will no doubt see him on the podium there as well).
