As per standard rest day antics, it’s on for young and old today. Here I was thinking that with the Liquigas controversy, we were destined for a quiet day off. How wrong could I be. Any rest day that ends up with a stint in the local slammer after an “incident” with a Gendarme is a good one in my opinion.

It all started out when we got a visit from Bruce Willis shortly after yesterday’s diary entry. He’d heard about Johan writing the script for the Lance Armstrong movie and wanted to get out to see Lance’s last tilt at glory first hand before they put Lance out to pasture.

Apparently, he was seen on one of the climbs yesterday cheering on the Radio Shack boys, but I must have been hitching a ride at that point because I certainly didn’t see him. He’s incredibly excited about the story line that Johan has come up with. I can’t let too much out of the bag, but let’s just say Team Nakatomi Plaza aren’t all looking for stage wins and the Gruber brothers are not as intent on yellow jerseys as the Schleck brothers. Let’s just leave it at that for now.

Anyway, Bruce called in a few “guests” he had invited that were no doubt actresses looking to get a break into Hollywood. Even by my standards it’s interesting what they are willing to do for their big chance. I mean, who would willingly want to clean the crapper on the Radio Shack team bus? Nasty stuff, but it’s pine fresh in there now.

So the ladies accompanied us to the local pub where we all did the sensible thing and hydrated after a long day in the saddle. I wish I would have remembered though that Vodka doesn’t hydrate as well as say, water. I was intent on at least consuming two litres of liquid though as per the team doctor specifications and I successfully achieved my goal some time around 2am, so the police statement says.

At this point, I clearly remember placing my jacket and top hat on, whilst having an in depth intellectual conversation with David Millar from the Garmin Transitions team. We decided to sensibly call for a cab to get back to the team hotel, along with both our teams. Well, this is where I strongly disagree with the Gendarme’s report. Most of us were taken for no reason taken to the local lock up, whilst minding our own business on the way home. We were there until the early hours when finally some of the tour organisers bailed us out so not to create a racing “incident”. Luckily, no charges were laid and it was back to a good night’s (morning’s) rest.

Allegedly, the police report reads differently to our story, stating that we were kicked out of the bar, proceeded to get on our bikes and ride home. These absurd accusations continue as the Gendarme claims that as we approached, he could hear me calling to a few of the boys for a “natural break”, so I proceeded to pull to the side of the road and start urinating over a police car before crashing into it and falling asleep on the road.

The worst part is that not only was I taken to the police station, but so were half of our team, including the support staff. Since Macca (team chef) was the most sober and clear thinking of us, he volunteered to talk calmly with the officer. This video clearly shows how sober he was.

 

Luckily we have most of the local enforcement agents bribed well and truly before we arrive in each town so as to avoid these ugly incidents that are not only uncalled for, though also totally unwarranted. How else do you think some of the riders get their dealers around without being arrested.

Anyway, all that aside, once we woke up, a leisurely ride was in order. For me, her name was Beckie and I knew I couldn’t overdo things before getting on the bike. Beckie accomodated willingly on the premise I would talk to Bruce about an upcoming role in Johan’s movie which was great.

Out on the bike I felt remarkably fresh. These new motors you can put into your frame work a treat. People think you are genuinely trying whereas you are really just soft peddling. Nothing like aspiring to mediocrity as far as I’m concerned.

I saw Vino out today as well. He must have a very strong interest in the equine industry, because he’s always off at the local horse stables talking with the trainers and vets there. Maybe he has a couple of race horses back in Kazakhstan. Either way, his willingness to go out of the way to speak to the vets is inspiring to us all.

So after a few hours in the saddle, it was back to the team bus to discuss the all important tactics for tomorrow. Who’s organising the girls, who’s organising the booze and most importantly, who’s going to try to take out Alberto on the Tormalet tomorrow? All very valid questions. Frankly, I think things could get embarrassing tomorrow as Andy and Frank battle it out for prime position going into the individual time trial. The rest of us are just along for the scenery compared to those blokes. For Radio Shack, it’s all about the teams classification and our battle with Caisse d’Epargne. If any other team is as adept with cheating as us, it’s those crafty Spaniards, so it should be a great battle.

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